Advent ponderings

I am beginning to truly understand what Advent is. It's marvelous how God is showing me.

It is lovely to be home. I am content to be a full-time sister and daughter again, living at home and taking full advantage of a well-stocked and fully-equipped kitchen to make delicious meals and baked goods. My dog I had unexpectedly missed very much, and I have loved the opportunities to walk him every day for some quality time thinking, exercising, and sometimes talking with an accompanying family member in the frigid fresh air. And of course, in this season, it is a pleasure simply to be where it looks like home and smells like Christmas.

Of course, I didn't feel all these joyful, cozy, comfy, warm, Christmas-y feelings a week and a half ago; I was finishing up final exams, and laboring under the expectations I had for myself. I dreamt of the ability to sleep in my own bed, pined for the sight of my backyard and all its winter-bared trees, and yearned for the hot cocoa by the fire sort of moments with my little sisters. A countdown to the day I flew home conveyed so much hope, so many happy and energizing thoughts, that I was propelled through finals with a diligence and effort that carried me to the degree of success I needed. It made me thankful that I have such a home to which I am able to return. It made me praise God for his faithfulness in providing the means for my education, and my flying and driving halfway across the country to get to it. It made me reflect on all that I had learned in those quick four months that compose a semester.

All that, to me, sounds a little bit like the Advent season, albeit on a less universally important level. What I felt in the present, and then how it would be, and how the switch would be made by one day, one change (in my example, the day of my flight; in the best Example, Christmas Day). Then, I felt anticipation of rest, now, in rest, I remember how God pulled me through a tough transitional semester. Then I felt a seeming hopelessness brought on by finals, where now I have renewed hope. Along with this change or renewal has come a greater desire to reflect in my work the glorious God I am coming to know better through my studies. I appreciate Advent, His coming, much better this year than I ever have, I think due to the double amount of waiting, and looking-forward-to, I experienced between Advent itself and my homecoming.

The most beautiful reentry to life at home was being at church with my family for Lessons & Carols Sunday. On this day every year, there is no sermon; instead the choir and scripture readers lead us through the story of Christ's birth in song and reading. It was beautiful(--shout out to the church choir and its director!). I felt like I had arrived, after making a long spiritual journey mirroring the journey of the magi, one full of anticipation and hope. A journey to realize that I wasn't the one who made the journey at all, but that I was the one Christ passionately journeyed to--here, to where I am, to the fallen, broken, hurting world full of starvation, grief, loneliness, grudges, hatred, and final exams. Suffering immense humility and humiliation (two words that I have now learned originally meant the same thing), God through his Son has shown me in a new way his great love all over again. I don't know if any of this is sensible or comprehensible to anyone else, or if the connection only works for the one who's lived it herself, as sometimes is true. But I believe God continues his loving, caring, fond, affectionate manner of guiding me, just as he always has. Praise God for his faithfulness to his loved ones, his little ones, his sheep.

O come, O come, Emmanuel.

A dog, some pearls, and a scarf

Never should one underestimate the encouraging power of a scarf or a dog. The presence of either on a particularly cold and sleepy day is as comforting as knowing one is almost done with one's first freshman semester.

This past week was a busy one, full of choir rehearsals and skipping some classes and going to others. Besides the inevitable beloved reading and homework. I am enjoying the winding down that is taking place in my classes, except in the ones where I have a final paper instead of exam. I am hopeful that I'll get the ideas that need to come so I can write the papers well, and finish the classes as I've started them.

The choir rehearsals are for a concert today, where the University choir will blend with several other choirs (church and otherwise) to perform a Christmas concert in the Kimmel Center in downtown Philly. I am so excited--it has been such an unanticipated blessing having choir in my schedule this year. The director is wonderful, and really talented at leading our 60-something choir. We will sing some breathtakingly beautiful melodies this afternoon, and a number of my best friends on campus are either singing with me or have bought tickets to see it. That's because they're lovely.

Any choir performance is my favorite chance to wear pearls. Really, I think everyday is a great day to wear pearls. My dad gave them to me, from Japan. Some of the ladies in the other choirs were making sure we college student girls had pearls, and I could say that, yes, I do have some. I love how they hang heavily around my neck, how they warm up after fifteen minutes, how they always remind me of Dad, family, and home.

Speaking of home, I should tell you about the scarf. I was sitting in my seat at rehearsal and greeting the people who walked past in my section, and one lady had the same scarf on as I've seen my sister wear a thousand times. A beautiful, sky blue and cream, cashmere scarf. I commented on it and told her my sister had the same one, and it was lovely to think of her when I saw this lady's scarf. Then during our break an hour later, she plopped herself down next to me and asked me about family, home, and my sister. When break was over, she took off her scarf and wrapped it about my neck unquestioningly and said, "Well, I'd like you to have this, so you can be reminded of her for right now, and so you two can be samesies when you get home." It made my heart and I quite warm.

The dog in the intro is named Maggie. She and I took a marvelous nap yesterday on my roommate Emily's couch. It was so nice to spend a night at Em's house, seeing her world and enjoying her neighbors and parents and home-cooked food. I was very content.

So I've written of the possibility of getting any real work done today, what with the concert and rehearsals taking up all day. And that is fine, because I'm set for Monday. But I must get to the bus now, making sure I have everything. There's a great fog out there today, so I will enjoy the cross-campus walk very much.

I wish you all a happy December, and I'm glad I finally sat down and wrote an entry. It's nice to spill thoughts and goodness into the blogosphere. Peace in this busy time of year, and God bless.
xox